by Ernie Gray
|Published in the June 1999 Issue of Anvil Magazine
The ‘60s were very good to me - “Flower Power,” great music, and free love.
The winds of change blew life into conspiracy theories by the hundreds, and, all things considered, maybe paranoia wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Given this old hippie’s history, is it any wonder then, that upon reading Henry Heymering’s report concerning the goings-on at the A.A.E.P. liaison meeting, I was again filled with those old familiar pangs of paranoia? As those pangs began to gnaw at me, feeding the stirrings of an idea, a theory began to evolve. Fearing the worst, I consulted with my online psychic, Rama Dama, who channels regularly for the ancient one, Llama-Llama Ding-Dong. What with the past being clear, but the present and future rather murky, Rama Dama was unsure of the exact time frame, but proceeded to explain. It seems that a secret organization, known only to a select few as “The Secret Society of Venerable Veterinarians,” is at the heart of an insidious plot. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that the veterinarians at the meeting acted and spoke as Henry reported, for it is likely that more than a few of them are in on this conspiracy. According to Rama Dama, it is this very secret society that is the driving force behind a movement which is seeking to legislate government licensing of farriers. However, it doesn’t stop there. It seems that a complex plan has been set into motion, and the “game is afoot.” (No pun intended).
Government licensing is just the beginning. The next step is to make licensing available only to those farriers who qualify by completing a two-year training course - designed and taught by veterinarians. In short, licensed farriers will be required to be vet techs, as well. As a licensed veterinary technician, a farrier will be able to practice only as an associate of and supervised by a veterinarian, or as an employee of a veterinary clinic. Horse owners will need to schedule hoof care needs through the office of the veterinarian or veterinary clinic. Arrangements will be made by the office to send a farrier out to perform “farm call” farrier service as a part of the normal service of the veterinary office or clinic.
To discourage illegal farrier activities, laws will be passed to control the horse owners. Horses will be declared as “pets,” and no longer considered livestock. It will then be mandatory for horse owners to see to it that their “pets” receive proper health care - including farrier service - provided by the local veterinarian.
It is inevitable that illegal activities such as clandestine horseshoeing rallies and black market farrier services will gain popularity. Held in remote barns with feed sacks covering the windows, farriers and horse owners will meet to plan and complain of their rights being attacked. A run on propane forges will occur, as well as a plethora of ingenious ideas for muting an anvil’s ring, as smoke from a coal forge and the ringing of an anvil will prove too dangerous for the “gypsy farriers.” A story even circulated about one fellow who, in desperation, remodeled his “future 2,” placing the rubber gasket on top, in an effort to silence his anvil’s ring. Targeted by the tell-tale black smoke and ringing of anvils, a crackdown on illegal “gypsy farriers” will lead to local rioting.
This next part is a bit fuzzy. Either Rama Dama was spacing out or my online connection was spitting the bit. At any rate, the garbled finale to this wacky scenario is one of two endings. I think Rama Dama said that “Ultimately, it will be revealed that the Secret Society of Venerable Veterinarians is a branch of the Secret Society of the Knights Templar, and has plans to control the world, beginning with farriers.”
Or, it could have been that he said, “Ultimately, it will be revealed that the Secret Society of Veritable Vegetarians are a wacky bunch from Amway and have plans to control the sale of tofu to the world, beginning with terriers.”
Return to the Commentary listing page.
Return to the June1999 Table of Contents